I know of a couple that is probably headed for a breakdown somewhere down the road in their marriage.
They live in the same household but they never really can act on a deep intimate emotional level. They share superficial interests, but lack real communication.
Each one is running on automatic. Each one lives their life according to preset patterns and that’s how they conduct their marriage. Their marriage is predictable and boring. When the couple comes home from work the husband immediately gets on the computer to play his favorite video game. The wife turns on the television and neither one initiates anything new.
And likewise they try to resolve their conflicts using prerecorded patterns that each partner is unaware of. And because each one of them is oblivious to his or her own baggage, they are destined to carry it. Until or unless they wake up.
Theirs is what I call the unconscious marriage.
What I would like to accomplish by talking to those who read this is to help married couples experience their relationship consciously. This requires introspection on the part of each partner.
It’s about self awareness. Please let me know your thoughts.
–By Lee Hefner
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Tags: avoid Marriage Problems, boring marriage, communication, marriage problems, self awareness, unconscious marriage
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Chelsea
359 days ago
I had an in-office session yeardtesy with Nancy, and put in a healing request later the same day. Not sure if I was included in Monday’s prayers but had some pretty big’ dreams/nightmares that I haven’t quite figured out yet. I’ll put them here, but not sure if you want stuff like this in this space. Both dreams seemed to signal change regarding communication, but also some boundary stuff (my take on it). Well, here goes:I had a dream that I had a cockatoo in a bag on the counter. It’s head was free, but it was laid on its side in this bag. I think it was injured and I was trying to figure out how best to take care of it. After awhile I think, Maybe I need to give it water or somthing but when I go back it has died. When I tried to think about the dream and ways that I’m like a cockatoo (in captivity), I think I feel trapped, my wings feel clipped, I’m scared and angry about that, I have a big presence, and my natural voice isn’t particularly pretty but people are trying to teach me to talk like people’. About the death of the bird, as the human in charge, I feel sad, disappointed in myself for not taking better care of it and protecting it.In real life, I was with a friend who found an injured flicker and and he felt it would not survive and wanted to find the most humane way to kill it. He decided to put it in a bag, then in a box, outside in the cold. I fought hard to have him consider other options, including the fact that it might survive. I lost the fight.The other dream/nightmare: I am back in the home I grew up in. For some reason I have my large desktop computer there, which includes a large tower and large monitor. I go to do something on my computer and it’s gone. Someone’s stolen it. I rely heavily on my computer for communication (at this time, my survival at school definitely depends on having it) and there’s a common analogy about computers being like a brain. I can’t believe someone’s stolen the computer because it’s so huge (and it has all of my school work on it), and they’ve left everything else. I look up and see that the window lock is not engaged, and run to the back door and the locks are all unlocked. I find this very weird and just before I lock the back door, I get this familiar fear that there is an intruder in the house and I don’t want to impede his ability to get out by locking the doors. I just want him out!In real life, my parents always locked EVERTYTHING, and doors had several deadbolts as well as the door lock. I also had repeated nightmares about intruders in the house, except they weren’t there to steal stuff they were there to do harm.Well, I haven’t pieced it all together, but the feeling is that these are huge dreams around what Nancy worked on with me yeardtesy. The themes of death and communication are both huge in these dreams, as are my fears and anger around it. Sooo, there it is! Next week, I hope we there’s some more clearing and cleaning on these issues. Thanks so much Nancy!W