“Expect to have hope rekindled. The dry seasons in life do not last. The spring rains will come again.”
— Sarah Ban Breathnach
The best marriages don’t necessarily happen because the two people start with a lot of wisdom about what makes a relationship work.
Not at all.
Instead, it’s usually about people in their quest to find happiness through relationship who have taken three steps forward and two steps back, repeated over and over. The important thing is that they’ve learned from their mistakes and are willing to use that experience to make themselves into better spouses.
But in the many years my wife Nancy and I have been helping couples with relationship issues, I’ve seen countless spouses who never learn from their mistakes. Those are the ones who take three steps forward and three steps back, never learning, often blaming the spouse for their lack of happiness in the marriage.
They are the spouses who divorce and remarry, unconsciously carrying with them the same behaviors that contributed to their divorce in the first place.
But I have a confession to make. For many years I wasn’t much better.
I can remember a time 20 years ago when my first marriage ended and I was in such despair that I wasn’t sure I wanted to live.
That was way before I had learned what I know now about building and nurturing a successful soul partnership with another person. It seemed that I had made enough mistakes leading up to my divorce that should have been a warning to me had I known what to be aware of.
Fortunately I later had a wake-up call that caused such a profound shift in my thinking and behavior that I cannot take credit for it. It had to be divine intervention.
I met my wife Nancy and learned how to build and nurture a relationship. I learned how to avoid unconsciously tearing the relationship down.
And I learned that it really is possible to be in a soul partnership with a person, full of mutual respect and admiration, love, passion and harmony.
If I’d known in my first marriage what I know now, it could have turned out much differently.
That’s why I can say if you’re having marriage problems, knowing how to look up to the solution instead of down at the problem, may be how you really can save your marriage.
~ By Lee Hefner