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—Married 12 years, age 38, New York
How Marriage Counseling May
Help by Changing Your Focus
By Nancy Wasson, Ph.D.
Are you wondering if marriage
counseling can help improve your unhappy
Of course the answer depends on a lot of things, but it may be
important to you and your spouse not to dismiss marital counseling
before you investigate
Why, you may ask?
Because there may be real hope that you can have a better marriage than
you ever thought possible.
What You Get in Marriage Counseling
With a good marital counselor, one of the most important results you
can achieve is to gain a new perspective into your marriage. This new
way of looking at yourself and your spouse gives you a new frame into
which you can place the events in your marriage and see things differently.
A good marriage counselor can open up eyes to help husbands and wives
see how to change their focus on their problems and instead concentrate
on what’s good in their marriage.
Maybe you’re wondering how this happens.
The truth is, in marriage as in life, you decide which attitudes, traits,
values and beliefs you will pay attention to. And that which you focus
on will expand and grow. For instance, if you value integrity, this value
will influence all of your interactions and dealings with others. In contrast,
if you stoke the fire of resentment, it will sooner or later take control
of your life.
Always focusing on marital problems makes the marriage seem even more
troublesome than it really is. If you think non-stop about how your spouse
has done you wrong and how angry you are because of it, your sense of
outrage will grow and erase your memories of better times. When that occurs,
it’s difficult to see a more balanced picture.
guidance can help you change such thinking patterns so you can
overcome your marriage problems.
The more energy you use to focus on your marriage troubles, the worse
and more difficult improving anything seems. And while you’re feeding
this negativity, your creativity is frozen. That means you don’t
have the capability to come up with a fresh perspective or helpful options.
Counseling Tips to Improve Your Relationship
The best marriage advice to nurture a positive outlook that can help
your marriage is:
- Practice an attitude of gratitude. Take time every day to think
of what you ’re thankful for in your life.
- Remind yourself constantly of your mate’s good qualities.
- Focus on developing yourself in ways that make you feel good about
yourself. You might write in a journal the qualities that you aspire
to – beliefs,
values and attitudes you want to concentrate on.
- Fill you mind with inspiration material from books and CDs.
- Stop hanging around with negative people. They drain your energy.
* * * * *
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